I met Josh during my Christmas break of two thousand and eight.
I lived in Texas and my dad lived in Minnesota, so I visited him every summer and Christmas break.
But that particular Christmas was a very memorable one to me.
Josh's family spent three nights at my dad's house.
I may have only known Josh for three days, but those three days seemed like a lifetime.
The moment I met Josh, I loved him.
He was like a brother to me.
We would watch movies together, and whenever I was on the phone, he would distract my little step-brother for me.
Those three days were some of the best three days of my life.
But sadly, all good things must come to an end--unfortunately even my time spent with Josh.
On my last day in Minnesota, Josh and I stayed up late, just talking.
I didn't want to leave Minnesota.
Josh knew it, and by God, Josh knew the reason too.
I had had the feeling that I would never see Josh again.
The last thing Josh said to me was, Don't worry.
I'll still be here next summer.
I'm not going anywhere.
We'll see each other again, you'll see.
I remember feeling that I wouldn't be back for the summer.
Nothing Josh said could ease my mind.
I didn't realize how right I was about never seeing Josh again until six months later.
The summer break was already half over, and I was still in Texas.
Then I found out that Josh's mom had a boyfriend named Gypsy.
Gypsy thought it would be really funny to slip Vodka in Josh's Mountain Dew and once Josh was drunk stupid, hand him the keys to the car.
All that had happened shortly after I came back to Texas.
Josh started drinking regularly, and then started skipping classes.
When I found out, I was heart-broken.
I had listened as Josh told me of his plans to go to college, and now I couldn't be there for him as he let his life be destroyed by the very thing that had torn apart my family.
I started praying constantly for Josh.
I kept feeling that if I hadn't left Minnesota, maybe he wouldn't be doing this.
I lost sleep.
I had thoughts of what if...clouding my mind.
I started trying to fix Josh's problem, despite the fact that I was no longer there to fix it and I had no way of contacting him.
I knew my dad would never let me see Josh again, but I still tried.
Then one night, I realized that I couldn't take it anymore.
In trying to help Josh, I wasn't helping myself.
I wasn't enjoying life.
If I continued letting Josh's condition run my life, it would ultimately ruin my only chance at it.
I had to accept that I couldn't control Josh's drinking problem.
I couldn't change that.
But I could control how I reacted to it.
I prayed one last time for Josh; I cried one last time for Josh.
Then I just...
The best thing that I could do for Josh was to turn over both the problem and the worry to God.
I had to realize that it wasn't in my power to help Josh.
Only God could do that.
I would like to ask for everyone who reads this poem to please pray one time for Josh.
Maybe if enough people prayed just once, God might hear our pleas and Josh might be healed.
Josh didn't deserve this.
He doesn't deserve to be punished for something he didn't do.
I would also like to ask for everyone to pray for Gypsy, too.
Everyone deserves forgiveness, even someone like him.
And Josh, if you ever read this, I have always loved you.
You were like family to me.
And I hope you get better.
But I can't help you anymore.
I've done all I can.
All I can do now is let go, and let God.
posted on 01/04/2010