Poem of Quotes Members

A Proposal

There is no other way of getting out of here.
You must rip the skin apart, decidedly dissect the different parts
look deeper, friend, for tomorrow is not written in the stars.
If by chance you find black or blue, if there is something that terrifies you,
I hope, dear friend, you embrace it. For there is no other way of getting out.
You may question why that part hurts so much and God Himself will never answer.
You may ask if this is a test-men shall shrug their shoulders- while your own faith
eludes you into deception. You will seek reason of being only to be disappointed or
at the very least, indifferent. Tear down the barrier with your blood-red knuckles
so you can say you tried. This is heed advice, my friend, for the world is neither
impressive or contempuous. It shall not be feared.

by blackfallenrose07
posted on 10/22/2015

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Tags: free write, proposal
Comments: 4

Comment by deadiam: Mar 10, 2016 1:11 am
Great right...I enjoyed it a lot
Comment by prettyspl: Jan 13, 2016 10:07 am
I like a good thinking man's poem and I found that in this. Well done!
Comment by SnakeArts: Nov 5, 2015 3:06 am
It has emotion but I think you need to separate it into readable parts.
Comment by inkblot: Nov 4, 2015 12:35 am
"decidedly" in line 2, doesn't seem to add anything but alliteration, imo. I think it's a distraction from the conversational tone of the poem.

I think you could also lose the "friend" and "dear friend"... Like how people who use your name a lot when they are talking to you, usually don't know you well and are trying to make a connection with you?
I think it lowers the intimacy of the poem a bit.

Heed means listen or pay attention to, so it should be "heed this advice" or "pay heed to this advice". "This is advice to be heeded", perhaps.

The content of the poem works perfectly with the way the poem is written (you said it's a free-write in the discription). It feels like a hurried attempt to impart something important to someone, in less time than is needed to fully explain.
It gives the writing a sense of urgency.

I enjoyed reading through this.

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