Lost Thoughts

I sit here, unable to look at you.
Unable to speak, unable to say I'm sorry.

We both know what I did,
Or rather, what I tried to do.

Every image still burns in my mind;
The pills, the knives, the screaming.

I wanted to escape, I wanted to die.
Couldn't see the point of going on.

I didn't understand why you said you loved me,
Didn't think I should matter to you.

You've begged me for days;
Stay here, I love you.

Said you can't live without me,
That I mean everything to you.

I just wish I understood why,
With all you've said,

Why I still try to push you away.
The one I love and trust.

Am I stupid? Delusional? I don't know.
Maybe I just don't want to see you hurt.

Or maybe, in some sick way,
It's my way of staying connected.

Whatever it is, I love you and I need you.
Together is the only way to get through this.

I want to change, no...
I need to change.

Need to change my life before it's too late,
Before it takes control of me forever...

by xmyxlastxbreathx
posted on 08/20/2012

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