Poem of Quotes Members


The form of it was impeccable; scaling
down from the ceiling, loosely
donning a see-through cardigan she began to undo, like
a snake shedding scales, "I'm Sue, and you?"

she said. Anticipation was creeping death
in the finality of this nakedness. Lava-motions
undulating one over the other, breasts cupped
and breathing sulfur, I felt the heat erupt

from her body when she finally arrived.
Heartstrings taut, my limbs were a hivemind:
her voice was an opera, body a violin - strings
plucked, I wore her like a tight ring.

And there was a restrained acceptance here; twang
under the crescendo of her twat's mass:
though I wasn't her first,
she'd be my last.

Between the smoke and mirrors in the end,
she was barely perceptible lying there
and sighing soot - half-asleep, satisfied -
so I followed suit and rested myself by Sue's side -

I was ink through water,
above her skin but beneath a dream's,
it was absurd! Drifting unstirred
without hope of retracing my wayward

trail - I flew through suns, their rays warm hands
pushing me. I was small, a child swinging - gravity
was even smaller, a cosmic shame to this galactic cicada
spiraling through orbit and touching down on Andromeda.

I glimpsed alternate versions of myself:
old and nebulous and certain, with time's
handwriting on his skin, beholding me with mirth,
"Your young and healthy image is proof of my rebirth!"

he claimed. The fabric wrinkled
under this paradox of phylum
as I met with a second replica
who agreed to lead me to another one -

"But where you hope to meet him,
you can only see the empty room, since he
listened to Sue's orphic advice:
'Place it in your mouth and hope to hear a [Click]'" -

alarm sounding; I poured into a white hole
and was expelled through the pupils
of my wide-awake eyes: flushed; breathing offbeat
to the pulse of the crumpled sheets

in my hand - my sweaty palm wittingly drifted
across her stomach - the impeccable form
of mountains she could flatten; "I wish you well,
but loving you'd be a perfect waste of healthy cells."

by Kiite
posted on 06/26/2012

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Comments: 8

Comment by google: Sep 20, 2013 9:51 am

very good kiite.
delibrate and powerful
Comment by thestutteringbandit: Jun 30, 2012 6:22 pm
Agreed, this was a delight.

I found stanza 6 to be my favorite.


Comment by CnutTheGreat: Jun 27, 2012 7:28 pm
This was fun to read.

Aside from that, it is ****ing brilliant. (And as a lucid dream tinkerer, familiar)

Comment by BreeBree: Jun 26, 2012 11:43 pm
I think if you add a comma after rays it'll clear up any further confusion.
Comment by Kiite: Jun 26, 2012 7:30 pm
I agree, the second stanza was the most fun to write. :]
Comment by AngelicDarkness: Jun 26, 2012 7:24 pm
Hmm. Interesting. I liked the second stanza best.
Comment by Kiite: Jun 26, 2012 7:15 pm
There is supposed to be an opening quotation mark, but you just pointed out a typo that I overlooked.

In the seventh stanza, it's technically supposed to read "...their rays [were] warm hands" which is why i omit the apostrophe. I threw out 'were' because i felt that the first line got too wordy, but the way you have it makes me think that just making it possessive and adding an apostrophe is the better and simpler way to go, i haven't decided yet.

Thanks a bunch for the feedback. :] I wasn't very happy with the strict 4-line either, but it was the only way i could structure it how i wanted.
Comment by BreeBree: Jun 26, 2012 5:41 pm
I didn't really like the strict four-line stanza business, but that could just be my preference for free-verse.

Third last stanza- is there supposed to be an opening quotation mark on the first line?

Seventh stanza, first line- rays'

I loved this. It was a concept I've never come across. wonderfulwonderful.


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