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Purple world
Purpled fingertips from the paint
Painting this darkness away
With a touch of purple
I will fix everything
With a touch of hope and pain
Nothing is easy
Buy why it has to be this way?
It will never be the end
As long as I still have a breath left
You won't break me
Even though for two days I was down
And I even had my own self doubts
But now I do understand why
It was only to prove I'm alive
I can hate but I choose not to
And what you have done I can't undo
I simply will forget you
Because I will paint the darkness away
I have found a purple world
Where there are no tears or lies
And I have left all the emptiness outside
Only the light will come into my new life
Only the light will be
In the purple world of mine
by NOangelsLEFT
posted on 01/28/2010
Painting this darkness away
With a touch of purple
I will fix everything
With a touch of hope and pain
Nothing is easy
Buy why it has to be this way?
It will never be the end
As long as I still have a breath left
You won't break me
Even though for two days I was down
And I even had my own self doubts
But now I do understand why
It was only to prove I'm alive
I can hate but I choose not to
And what you have done I can't undo
I simply will forget you
Because I will paint the darkness away
I have found a purple world
Where there are no tears or lies
And I have left all the emptiness outside
Only the light will come into my new life
Only the light will be
In the purple world of mine
by NOangelsLEFT
posted on 01/28/2010
This lacks any sort of grammatical structure which makes it difficult and painful to read. For example I could say "Look, Kelly, the dog has eight legs!", that means that I am telling Kelly to look at the dog that has eight legs. I could also say "Look, Kelly the dog has eight legs!", and I mean something completely different. The last one is (grammatically) interpreted as "Look at the dog named Kelly that has eight legs!" Do you see what I mean here?
Let me pull an example from your poem.
"Purpled fingertips from the paint
Painting this darkness away
With a touch of purple
I will fix everything
With a touch of hope and pain"
That reads as saying "Purple fingertips from the paint are painting the darkness away with a touch of purple which will fix everything by touching it with hope and pain."
I'm sure that's not what you were trying to say.
What you were probably trying to say was this:
"Purpled fingertips from the paint.
Painting this darkness away.
With a touch of purple,
I will fix everything,
With a touch of hope and pain."
And that reads as "Fingers turned purple from pain. The darkness is being painted away. I will fix everything with my purple paint. My motivation is the pain I went through and my new found hope."
Do you see how much simple grammar changes can completely change the meaning of something?
I'm not saying that this isn't a good poem, because it has immense potential. If it had no potential, I wouldn't be taking my time to write all of this. I feel that you would be even more successful in getting your point across if you made simple grammatical changes.
I really hope you took the time to read all of this. I would love to read this if you do decide to take my advice and interpret it the way you intended for your readers to see it.